I put one sixth of a red onion onto the corner of my chopping board to remind me how to chop the whole bucket. To be consistent.  I had a chopstick in my mouth with the end under my tongue because a Chinese kitchenhand called Shirley once told me this stopped onion tears.  There were tears but they weren’t onion related. So there I was chopping and looking at my reference point onion when I realised I had done what Louie used to do. When he was teaching me to be a chef he used to cut an example and then put it in the corner of my chopping board. I used to get so shitty at him always at me to sharpen my knife. Wear the proper uniform. Change the water in the beanshoots. Cut the spring onion like this not that. Don’t forget about the pressure cooker. Never boil the tofu. Always leave a bit of water in the pasta and don’t bother putting oil in the water because thats a bunch of bullshit. Learn to do a kickflip. F**k my friend Declan. Don’t be in love with someone if they treat you like shit. Make homebrew. Focus.
A typical exchange:
Louie: You’re making too many mistakes. I can tell when your brain is least workative.
Me: There’s no such word as workative.
Sean (bent over the cauldron making tofu): Stop fighting you two.
Me: Shut up Sean.
Louie: Yeah shut up Sean.

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